“Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
I wasn’t expecting to write about fear today, I actually had planned to make another lovely words post with little things from my personal instagram. BUT God had other plans, so I feel like this is a good time to write about my fears. God, please help me to understand what You want to teach me through this.
Fear, I feel like that word could be written across my forehead. Fear of judgement, fear of rejection, and fear of failure. When I read Isaiah 41:10, I thought, “Wouldn’t it be nice to not fear man? Wouldn’t it be nice to not have fear because I know that God will uphold me with His righteous right hand?”. It’s not that I don’t believe that God is for me, the problem is that I let my thoughts run wild and that results in anxiety, stress, and fear of the unknown. Fear of man.
I’m going to go a little deeper into my fears. It’s hard to go deep into the things that I’m not proud of, but I’ve known through experience that when you face your sin, that’s when God will take you out of it. It’s not a process that happens overnight, but once you look your sin straight on, you can begin the process to redemption. And you know what, Jesus has already redeemed you from all of your sin, even future sins, but sometimes that redemption needs to happen in a way that leads to self forgiveness as well.
Fear of judgement: This is something that I’ve struggled with my whole life. I’ve struggled with the specific fear of people judging me if they see the real me and ultimately running away in disappointment because I wasn’t who they wanted me to be. This is so dangerous because this is me trying to be good enough for imperfect people when I need to be focused on my worth in Christ.
One of my church’s pastors said that we are all looking for the fruits of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, etc.) and when we sin, we’re trying to find them in people instead of God. We can only find those things in God who is perfect, no one else can fill that gap. So perhaps my fear of judgement is me trying to find love from people instead of from my heavenly Father who has a perfect love like no other.
Fear of rejection: This one is recent. Not something that I was expecting and it could go with my fear of judgement, but I feel that rejection is a lot more specific. I am going through a specific trial in my life that I am filled with the fear of someone rejecting me. I am afraid that if I can’t control my emotions, I’ll be rejected and tossed aside. This comes from thoughts like, “You are not good enough” and “You aren’t worthy”. These are not God’s words, these are the lies of the devil.
It’s hard to kick these thoughts out of my brain and sometimes they come up so sneakily. Before I know it, they are too big for me to handle. I cramp up and don’t know what to do. I can’t act now because I’m so crippled by fear. This is the place that I don’t want to be in. This is when I have to make a choice about what to believe, God’s truth that I am enough for Him or the lies of Satan. Last one…
Fear of failure: I like it when I am in control (woah, yeah that’s a big problem). When I want to do something, I want to do it now and I want it to succeed. That is a problem because if I try to do things my way, it will most like fall apart at my feet. You know why? Because everything I do needs a solid foundation that is God. It’s hard to give up control and it’s even harder for me to feel the pain of failure. The disappointment of a job that fell through.
Rejection can also fit into this (Are you seeing the pieces coming together?). It’s funny how all of my fears have a way of connecting together. It all comes down to me not looking to God to fill in the blank. I try to fill in the spaces with praise from man that will only last a second. My flesh will always turn to temporary glory instead of trying to please God and seeking approval from Him. Maybe you can relate to that.
Now the question is, am I willing to learn, grow, and face my fears? I would hope that the answer to that is always YES LORD JESUS. A dear friend of mine told me that it’s ok if it’s hard. It’s ok if you have to give it to God every single minute of your day because the key is to surrender. I can’t carry my fears on my shoulders because I will fall, but with God by my side, He can carry them for me. And even better, He can erase them completely, but I have to be ready to surrender. I have to be ready to sing,
“Find me here at Your feet again
Everything I am, reaching out, I surrender
Come sweep me up in Your love again
And my soul will dance
On the wings of forever
My heart beating, my soul breathing
I found my life when I laid it down
Upward falling, spirit soaring
I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground.”
I have to be ready to fall on my knees at the feet of my Lord and Savior. It’s not easy to do and some days will be easier than others, but that’s all God wants. He just wants all of me. He just wants all of you. So my prayer will be that God will take my fears and replace them with His echoes of love, worth, and forgiveness. Would you pray that with me as well? Would you be willing to surrender your fears to the God who loves you and will never leave you?